A Pattern and Practice of Abuse

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Recently in the Orange County Region of the Los Angeles church, a brother describes the specific, documented, abusive practices he endured. He wrote:

"For over two years, I have endured emotional distress caused by a pattern and practice of emotional and spiritual abuse at the hands of church leadership or its representatives. Leadership in the church employed abusive discipling practices creating an atmosphere of slander, defamation, and emotional and spiritual abuse, resulting in documented emotional distress. I was bullied for non-conformance, falsely accused of sin, admonished for what was not sin, retroactively punished for what I had already repented of, berated, bullied, ignored, invalidated, slandered privately and publicly at leaders meetings and before the congregation, publicly shamed, and wrongfully disfellowshipped. I had difficulty sleeping, persistent anxiety. suicidal thoughts, and loss of productivity at work." (Letter pg 30 line 12)

He sent large 3-ring binders to the two elders there, Jaeho Park and Dave Eskew, and also a copy to  the LA church's general counsel Michael Wooten. The document states actions taken by his bible talk leader, evangelist Bruce Williams, and other church representatives. 

The following is only a partial chronology from his letter, of the abusive actions that occurred:

False Accusations & Unjust Punishment

On May 1st, 2016, the brother was brought before church leadership (Bruce Williams) by his bible talk leader on the pretext of conflicts and sending a text to a sister whom the bible talk leader had labeled as "not doing well spiritually."  (Letter, pg 21.)

The brother states: 

"In this meeting there were many false accusations [bible talk leader] made about me. There were many inaccuracies and misrepresentations about what happened and where my intentions were at. Some of the false accusations which I disagreed to included:

• Texting a sister in the discussion group who was perceived as “struggling,” or “not doing well spiritually.” (implying that there was something impure going on.)
• Giving unknown women “lingering hugs”
• Giving a woman a hug with “a motion on the back.”
• Saying to a sister at church “you look beautiful.. thank you” (implying there were impure motives.)
• Giving a ride to a small group weekend event to a single mother and her children. [bible talk leader] said later that this was “UNWISE”. (implying there were impure motives.)
• That there were “FOUR SISTERS” in the bible talk feeling uncomfortable around me. 
• That going to a Denny’s Restaurant at the end of a double date, to discuss an impasse in communication, with a woman whom [bible talk leader] had known, was “UNACCEPTABLE!” (Also with the implication that there were impure motives.)
  "When [bible talk leader] said “UNACCEPTABLE!”, during the conversation, he slammed his hand down on the table with a bang, and said it loudly. This was harsh and shocking to me.
  

In these allegations, 

• NO names of the women were provided, 
• NO dates or times were provided, 
• NO explanations were given about these. 

"The atmosphere of this meeting was confrontational and emotional. Because of the repeated false accusations against me, I did not feel free to respond and was coerced into obedience. 

There was judgment and admonishment from BRUCE WILLIAMS, who at one point said, 

“THERE’S A LOT OF DARKNESS IN YOUR HEART.” 

"BRUCE ordered me to go back into “purity group” - a voluntary and private men’s recovery group guided by ERIC ENNIS, a volunteer in the church, and self-taught subject matter expert in “purity” issues, although not a certified therapist."   (Letter, pg 21-23)

Here we see this meeting with leadership contained all the harmful elements noted in the Westside Consultation - "Ganging Up" on the accused, a no-win situation, hearsay without impartial investigation, no vetting of capable witnesses, no advocacy and defense of the confused, no impartial third party moderation.

Verbal & Emotional Abuse

The abuse continues verbally from the bible talk leader:

During one midweek meeting conflict, the bible talk leader stated the abusive phrases, “I’M DISAPPOINTED” .. “YOUR POSTURE" .. "YOU’RE PRIDEFUL” [8/10/2016]

"I had conflicts with [bible talk leader] during midweeks. After one midweek we got into an argument in the back patio where [bible talk leader] had said - “YOU’RE IN DEEP SIN!” [9/5/2016] I disagree with slandering one another with such accusational phrases. At another midweek, [bible talk leader] accused me of being “UNREPENTANT” or “GOING ROGUE” by not having "d-times" with [assigned discipler]."  (Letter, pg 24)

Note that the Westside Consultation document stated: "Often the charge was “pride” and “pridefulness.” It was said, “You can always get someone on pride.”

Abuse Texts

"There were other text conversations that went on between myself and [bible talk leader] that were emotionally abusive.

• “IT’S NOT ABOUT USING THINGS AGAINST YOU.. 
• “GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED..”
• “YOUR SIN WAS EXPOSED FOR WHAT IT WAS..”
• “AND PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT AFTER RECEIVING ADVICE FROM THE MEN, A SOLID DIRECTION WAS GIVEN TO YOU..” 
• “YOU’RE BACKPEDALING TOM..” 
• “I UNDERESTIMATED THE MAGNITUDE OF YOUR SIN..”   (Letter, pg 23)

Verbal abuse in bible talk

"At another midweek, [bible talk leader] accused me of being “UNREPENTANT” or “GOING ROGUE” by not having "d-times" with [discipler]. This would lead to him demanding that we sit down with BRUCE WILLIAMS. Over the following days there were heated text exchanges.

The truth was that my discipling partner at the time ..  had cancelled getting together three times in a row. [discipler] later confessed that from the beginning he didn’t want to be my discipler due to bitterness from past history, and that he considered me “A LOST CAUSE.” (spoken on/around April 29, 2016)"  (Letter, pg 24)

Manipulation, Invalidation and Spiritual Abuse

"Met w BRUCE WILLIAMS, June 14, 2017.

[Bible talk leader] had demanded that I sit down with BRUCE WILLIAMS again after perceived lack of repentance with "d-times" as mentioned above. 

• I did not want to meet but had been threatened by [bible talk leader] for unwillingness. 
• I was under duress.

When I shared in the meeting the nature of my distress, it was invalidated. ... In the meeting, I shared Galatians 6:10, “But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.” and I said I had now felt terrified by [bible talk leader]. 

The emotional abuse I was describing was ignored and invalidated, and instead BRUCE WILLIAMS referred to a scripture from 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 and I was admonished and commanded to “open wide my heart” to [bible talk leader]."  (Letter, pg 24, 25)

Slandered in a leader's meeting

"At a leader’s meeting early March, [bible talk leader] told the group slander about me by saying “HE’S IN SIN!”, He’s “GONE ROGUE!” and other discussions went on that I am not aware of."

(Letter, pg 27)

Ostracized from the bible talk - March 2017 (Letter, pg 28)

Gossip & Publicly Slandered

"At the singles midweek service on March 21st, [bible talk leader] gave the message to the congregation. From the podium, he used me as a sermon illustration. [bible talk leader] said publicly:

“THIS BROTHER, WHEN ASKED ABOUT HIS SIN, SAID ‘IT’S PRIVATE!’, AND A WALL OF PRIDE WENT UP IN HIS HEART!”

I was very hurt that he spoke down to me while preaching at the podium. I was publicly slandered. The facts were incorrect. Obviously [bible talk member] told [bible talk leader] about our conversation, where when [bible talk member] asked what was talked about in my therapy sessions, I told him that it was private. I had signed a confidentiality agreement when I started seeing the therapist."  (Letter, pg 27)

Suicidal thoughts 

"After that meeting I was very anxious and depressed and I struggling with suicidal thoughts for some weeks. I had envisioned in great detail a revolver before me, and thought about when & where to do it, before the congregation."  (Letter, pg 25)

Reckless Disregard, False Allegations

The brother communicated to the leadership about the abuse. After the first leadership meeting the leaders wanted to meet him separately, without his therapist being present. This is very suspicious.

The leader Bruce Williams states in a text: “..IT APPEARS TO US THAT HE IS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT HIS PERCEIVED EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL ABUSE HAPPENING TO HIM THAN THE DAMAGE HE HAS CONTINUED TO DO TO OTHERS.” (Letter, pg 8-9)

The brother wrote in response:

"BRUCE WILLIAMS says that my claims of emotional and spiritual abuse are “perceived,” and they are disregarded and invalidated. 

1. However, I present over 285 pages citing the effects of the emotional and spiritual abusive behavior from church leadership and representatives that has been mentioned above. Also see the 19 page citation summary.
2. I have repeatedly called out this abusive behavior to church leadership in person and texts.
3. In letter I had previously read to JAEHO PARK, I explained how I also suffered from suicidal ideation for a period of time.
4. In the first leadership meeting, my multi-page statement to JAEHO PARK regarding the existence of abusive behavior was acknowledged, and BRUCE WILLIAMS said that the issue would have to be addressed. There was knowledge of this information. Yet this was never addressed in the official disfellowshipping letter or brought up and I was summarily deemed no longer a member.
5. BRUCE WILLIAMS’ comments demonstrate that there is no concern whatsoever to the effects their behavior has had upon me. This response does not show a willingness to listen to claims of abuse from leadership, but rather a reckless disregard of such claims. 
6. The church should be aware that instances of abuse have happened before in the ICOC. There have even been clinical studies regarding psychological abuse within the ICOC churches that have been conducted. (exhibited)  "  (Letter, pg 9)

It is clear that the leader was aware of the abuse, yet gave little or no thought to the probable effects of his conduct. In legal terms, this is called "reckless disregard." The brother's suffering was  invalidated, the leader displays no empathy, and the words are very intentionally punishing.

Furthermore, the leader states a nonspecific allegation of "damage". In his defense the brother submitted to leadership letters from three other members, who defended him saying they were treated with "respect."  The leadership's judgments were uncorroborated and very judgmental - classic spiritual abuse.

Many other details of abusive behavior and suspicious actions were documented in the submitted binder.

All of this emotional and spiritual abuse was very psychologically damaging to the the brother - excerpts from his personal journals citing his distress are listed in the next section.